Christmas is supposed to be the season of families, loving partners, food and merry-making – and often it is. However, I spent one Christmas crying because a couple of weeks before Christmas, and without any signs or warnings, my lesbian partner told me she was spending Christmas with her new love. I remember going to a Christmas service of carols – and the choir sang “O, Holy Night.” When it got to the line “and the soul felt its worth,” I was sobbing away. It was my first lesbian relationship and I blamed myself for not being what she had wanted – why else would she go off and find another lover? Then, in a moment of grace or awareness – it was as if the angels whispered, “Paula you are worth it!” I wasn’t totally sure of my worth – and I wasn’t sure that I had anything to offer another woman. Things improved in the new year and about seven years later (with good relationships in between) I met the woman that I would marry. So don’t give up. Try smiling (I know it’s hard), but it’s not fake! You are willing yourself to be positive and joyful – yes, you may fail a few times, but you have to let your mind and heart know that you are NOT giving up – and you DESERVE LOVE. Anyway, smiles ‘attract bees to honey,’ who wants to walk across the room to someone who looks grumpy and might just ‘bite their head off.” And don’t look and sound that you are desperate. Finally, don’t speak about the broken up relationship! No new person wants to know – how you loved or hated your lover. Meet new people with the mind-set to start a new life. And don’t put your ex lover on the bedside table – ah, just joking! LOL.
To everyone, I wish you peace, love and the joy of being alive. I have a friend who works as a nurse over the Christmas holidays. She balances the patients illnesses and particularly the terminal ones – with the fact that she is trying to serve others and make a difference. Her daughter serves at various shelters to see the smile on people who will make a decent meal and perhaps a present. And do make those phone calls to your older relatives and shut ins.
Here are your gifts – just pretend they were wrapped!
and Number 2 – Include it in your New Year wishes.
Hugs to you all,