The duchess rang for her butler
“Please take off my dress.
Please take off my petticoat.
Please take off my bra –
Please take off my panties.”
All these requests were followed by
Finally the duchess said,
“And James, if I catch you wearing my clothes again, I will fire you!”
An Irishman who is terribly overweight visits his doctor.
“Now, Paddy, I am going to put you on a diet to get you to lose weight.”
“Sure, that would be great!” says Paddy. “Give me the facts, doc.”
“O.K. I you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days and then skip a day. Repeat this for two weeks and then come back and see me. By then, you should have lost 5 pounds of weight.”
Paddy comes back and gets weighed. To the astonishment of the doctor, Paddy has not only lost the 5 pounds, but he has in fact lost 60 lbs.
The doctor says to Paddy, “That was absolutely amazing. Did you exactly follow my instructions?”
Paddy nods but sighs. “Don’t put me on that diet again. On the 3rd day and 5th days, I truly thought that I would drop dead.”
The doctors smiles, “From the hunger, was it Paddy?”
Paddy gets angry, “No, Doctor, it was from the bloody skipping! You can’t do that for an entire day!”