Feb 092017
 

A lesbian meets her ex  at a party.

Jo: “Liz, let’s have sex for old times sake.”

Liz: “Over my dead body!”

Jo. “Great, it will be like old times!”

 

A loud mouthed played the last 18th hole and turned to his Irish caddie.

“That was the worst game ever!”

To which the caddie replied, “You mean you’ve played before!”

 

An French woman visited Australia.  When she got back home to Dublin they asked her about the place.  She said that it was a wonderful country and the Australians were marvellous.  But she added that he couldn’t stand the white bastards.

 

An English man had a very bad start to the duck season.  Everyone was getting ducks except him. Then he realised his mistake; he wasn’t throwing the dog high enough.

 

A LGBT Phoenix

A Jewish mother was asked the age of her two children.

“The lawyer is 2 years old and the doctor will be 4 in August.”

 

A Scottish pub owner was asked “Does your dog bite?”

“No, he has a gentle soul.”

The English man patted the dog who turned around and gave him

a devastating bite.

“You said your dog didn’t bite.”

“Yes, but that’s not my dog!”

 

Q. Why do people take an instant dislike to Donald Trump?

A. Because it saves time.

 

Sara, a lesbian was sitting next to a strict older protestant woman.

The hostess on the plane asked both women if they wanted a drink.

“Rum and coke,” said Sara.

“The Protestant woman growled,  No sin drink for me! I’d rather have sex 

 in the toilet back there with THAT lesbian hostess.

The lesbian refused the drink.

“I didn’t know there was a choice – forget the drink!”

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