Before the strains of “When the Lezzies Come Marching In,” had died away, Mrs. Swanson as usual had taken the bait. She yelled out verses of abominations. She directed angels to stand by her door to ward off the legions of demons under Spunky’s command. She called on all Christian seniors to join her in the singing of “Amazing Grace”. Spunky was oblivious to it all; she had her headphones on, and was scrolling through the web page of the Michigan Womyn’s Festival.
Back at the nursing station, the two workers sat smiling and shaking their heads. Thankfully, Spunky’s outbursts were minimal, and were always carried out more as playful pranks.
Spunky looked up from the internet and removed her earphones. Her friend, Rebecca Marshall, a real card shark, was standing in the doorway.
“Ignore those hyprocrites, Suzanna. What say you that we take their money at cards?
“Becky, in cards and in sex, I always say, “If you have a good hand, you should go it alone!”
The two women chuckled at that line. Before long, a peaceful quiet returned to the Grand Oaks Retirement Villa.
Later that morning, Spunky Sue was summoned for an unscheduled appointment with Ramona B. Featherdale, the Villa’s Chief Administrator. Spunky watched as Ramona straightened her suit, adjusted her glasses, and shifted the Night Report laying in front of her.
In a situation like this, Ramona needed to use tact. In front of her sat one of Rankville’s richest women, who continued to make generous donations to the financially-strapped residence. Spunky Sue came from a wealthy and well-established family. The powerful Judge Titus Gresham, Spunky’s only child, lived nearby in Vernon City.
“Hi, Mona. How are the grandkids?” asked Spunky.
“Just fine, Suzanna!” replied a flustered Ramona. “I must to go over this Night Report with you. It seems to indicate that you had a restless night. Perhaps the doctor could prescribe some sleeping pills….”
Spunky Sue quickly cut her off.
“Mona, I don’t need no damn pills. I just stir things up when I’m bored. It’s good for the others, gets their adrenalin going. Why Esther Swanson spends hours picking out appropriate Scripture verses– just for me!”
Ramona sighed. “That may be so, but I’m getting complaints. Couldn’t you just ‘tone it down’ a bit, Suzanna? Get yourself a hobby or something.”
Spunky looked Ramona directly in the eyes.
“I don’t need a hobby, Mona. I need the intimate companionship of a woman. You know how much I miss Charley Woods.”
“Charlotte Woods was a fine librarian.”
“She was a great librarian, an outstanding woman, and she was MY woman! Ramona, help me find a lesbian retirement community, and I’ll be off your hands at the crack of dawn!”
And with that being said, Spunky dismissed herself and walked out the door.