Oct 102017


Didn’t like shopping there anyway.


Yesterday I  was at my local Asda Store buying a large bag  of Chum dog food  for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue  when a woman behind me  asked if I had a dog..

What did she  think I had, an  elephant?  So, since I’m retired and have  Little to do, on  impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I  was starting the  Chum Diet again. 

I added that I probably  shouldn’t, because I  ended up in hospital last time, but I’d lost 2  stone before I woke up  in intensive care with tubes coming out of  most of my orifices and IVs  in both arms.

I told her  that it was essentially a perfect  diet and that the way that It  works is to load your pockets with  Chum nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel  hungry.  The food is  nutritionally complete so it works well and  I was going to try it  again.  (I have to mention here that  practically everyone in  queue was now enthralled with my  story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I  ended up in intensive  care because the Dog Food poisoned me.  I  told her no, I stepped  off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter’s arse  and a car hit  me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to  have a heart  attack he was laughing so hard.  I’m now banned  from Asda.  Better watch what you ask retired people.   They  have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.

Forward this (especially) to all your retired   friends….. It will be their laugh for the  day.

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