It’s Mother’s Day and your friends are visiting their mothers. They have shown you the cards and gifts they have chosen. They are packing the car with the grandchildren who have written cards in school. Cakes are baked or mothers are being taken out to a restaurant for a meal. And you? For one more year, you have sent a card and you know you will not receive an answer. Why? There can be many reasons, but this blog is concerned with mothers who cannot come to terms with a daughter who has revealed she is a lesbian.
If this describes your situation, then I want to reach out through the internet, and ‘hug you.’ You are not alone. Throughout the world, there are sisters suffering like you. I cannot change this situation, but hope that time will bring a change to your mother’s thinking. What can I offer? My heart has all the good intentions so I am sharing my thoughts with you.
-Your mother gave you life – thank her, but give “LIFE” to yourself. Close your eyes and mentally give life to yourself – a new life, filled with joy, hope, courage and expectations of great things to come. Now, you are the ‘new mother’ of you. Now,you are ‘mother and daughter’ to yourself. Buy ‘both of you’ flowers and look her in the mirror and thank her. You are beautiful, unique and a glorious person in your creation. There is not another (insert your name) in the universe – you are unique and precious. Imagine your dreams – Create your Happiness – Live Your Life Fully!
–Who around you is a “Mother” to you? My married spouse ,Trish, gave life to me when we met and committed ourselves to a life together. She has all the ‘mothering’ gifts of unconditional love, kindness, generosity, playfulness, support, laughter, tears, and just being human with faults and gifts. I have good friends that exhibit these qualities, too.
–Acceptance of Things That Cannot Change (or Need Time to Change)While you may not understand your mother, there has to be peace within you. We cannot change another person’s opinion, or if we try, we have to be ready for further rejection. Your mother is more likely to be coming from a place of religious indoctrination, or from disappointment that she cannot share your potential husband, marriage, birth of children with society. In some societies, admitting your daughter is a lesbian, is akin to ‘shame.’ Parents often blame themselves for giving birth and raising a homosexual. Some parents will meet you half way (we will accept you, but don’t tell the rest of the family or come out publicly).
–This is Your Life: We cannot live our lives ruled by anyone – mothers included!!
Our ego often exhibits itself as a “needy child” – When things go wrong, we often want ‘our mommy.’ She was the one to kiss the banged up knee; she held you when a friend did not invite you to a birthday. party. Now, when the ego pain comes, we must divert it. Your mother, I am willing to bet, still loves you. She cannot see ‘your pain’ because her ‘ego pain’ is stronger. Her ego may be blaming you for her disappointments, but this is not your problem. You need to be you! Acknowledge the pain, but don’t let it control you. How many lesbians have been forced into unhappy marriages because they did not want to hurt families?
Societies are Changing: There is still hope for a mother who cannot accept a homosexual child. Now, in 2013, fourteen countries have accepted gay marriage. The television show, “Ellen” is broadcast world-wide and she is a great ambassador for lesbians. Since 2007, seven more countries have legalized same-sex marriage and Britain and Ireland are in the process of affirming us.
You are not alone in your pain. We are your sisters; we are your family.