Hello Visitor and welcome: On my site – under comments – there are words from a lesbian who is somewhat frustrated in trying to find a life partner.
I wrote these thoughts in my response to her. Maybe they might be helpful to you – or they might be used in a conversation to help a friend. I blog or write to inform and help people. We can all make a difference where we are planted. Hugs, paula.
I understand your need to find a life partner. This is very noble and necessary. As a lesbian (or anyone) you have a right to find love and be loved back. I have some thoughts, but you are always the one in control to make decisions.
- You are on the right path. You have accepted who you are – a lesbian. Welcome to the rainbow sisterhood that is all around the world. Lesbians have been in existence from the Dawn of Civilization – perhaps, hidden at times because women were the “property” of men – and in some cases the STILL are property or controlled.
- Be careful in you live in a homophobic country. Find the right and careful words like “I really would like to have a deep and lasting friendship with you.”
There are ways to work up to intimacy. Ask for a massage and give one – but again be careful. Ask questions, “Do you think gays/lesbians are born this way?” or “Back years ago, I had a crush on a girl? Do you think I was going through a phase?”
- If you find a potential girl – don’t rush it. This can make a girl afraid – some girls are NOT at the commitment level. Put pressure on them and they will RUN.
- Be a good friend – don’t pressure – have fun (seriousness can make people afraid. While having fun, you can state casually, “I could do this kind of this forever.” Leave it at that. or “I am so glad that I met you; life is great when we are together.
Give lots of compliments – but don’t be gushy or overdo them.
- There are NO guarantees of: true feelings – commitment – honesty – fidelity. Be patient – have fun- and let the future take care of itself.
- Sometimes, we fall into the ‘romantic stage’ where we are putting our dreams on others. Yes, it would be wonderful to have a life partner and….other dreams. Take it easy. I was in a few relationships that I thought would work out – and I was determined to learn from them and become a better person and not make the same mistakes – or let others take advantage of me.
Now, I’ve been legally married for over 10 years. We still have our fights, but we are committed and loyal – we don’t flirt or cheat.
If you are a spiritual person – I’d recommend prayer.
P.S. I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist. I am not a counsellor, but I try to be a friend. The experts are needed and they have expertise, but I believe that a friend can work “miracles” even suggesting you get professional help. “Life is Good.”
But, look back from where you stand. There is an incredibly LONG line of people far worse off than you – they have diseases, no homes, no food or water, no jobs, no future. They are often the victims of rape, torture, war and spousal abuse. If they are girls and women, they often have no rights or access to education. Yes, for most of us – Life is Good.