COMING OUT IN TORONTO, CANADA
It was a cold and dark night when my car found the lesbian club on a back street away from Toronto’s straight night life. I had my first ‘tumble in the sack’ at Harvard, where my childhood friend engaged me in ‘some form’ of love making.
I write ‘some form’ because she was afraid to kiss me because of the Aids scare.
The next morning, I presumed we would continue where we left off the night before, but to my amazement, she told me she was “mixed up” about whether she was straight or gay and our love making the night before had ‘brought up issues’ for her the next morning.
Three months later (and a hell of thinking – what the @#**@# -was that night all about, I took my less-than confident self down to a gay dance. Had I done something wrong in that one night of sex with my friend? While I had read book after book about coming out, there was no ‘sex handbooks’ that outlines the do’s and don’ts of making love to another woman. As I reflected and reflected I saw that I had really enjoyed my first sexual encounter with another woman. I also remember her saying, “Are you sure this was your first time?” I took that as a compliment, I obviously was doing something that came natural. Being a Leo, and wanting always to do the best I can, I knew that I would be “learning on the job” so to speak and that I would learn as I encountered more women, “BUT HOW MANY WOMEN WOULD IT TAKE TO BECOME PROFICIENT AND EXCITING?” (LOL).
So here I am walking in the dark and cold towards the door that would lead to my first encounter with datable women. I stared at the women outside the door, smoking and chatting, their leather jackets turned up to meet the short hair that each one seemed to sport. I took a deep breath and say ‘hello.’
Heart be still! I looked around at the quantity and variety of women. Skirts, dresses, heels and long hair, twirled as femmes jived and moved (mostly with butchy-looking women). I was wearing an open shirt and pants. Did I have to find a femme to dance with? Well, I was really up to dancing. I thought that just getting in the door was probably enough excitement for the night!
I was on my second drink, and gazing off, or mentally undressing someone, can’t remember, when a voice said, “How many more drinks will it take before you dance with me?” I looked up to find an attractive, slightly smaller than me, beaming at me.
I couldn’t figure out if she was butch or femme. She looked femme in the face, but her voice was strong and she was in a shirt and pants. A lot of jewelry added to the femme face.
Three days later, and I am in this woman’s home. I know sex lies ahead, but I’m really shy. She’s a pro at these things. “Let me put on a country song and we’ll dance.” I leave that night feeling wonderful. Sex seems just a matter of pleasing the other person and yourself. I did a lot of watching her eyes and body to find out how I was scoring….I mean, I didn’t want a A+ (or maybe I did – stupid ego) but I did want to know that we both had had a good time.
I didn’t stay more than three months with this person. It wasn’t long into the relationship that she proposed, wanted an engagement ring, and had a whole agenda of where we were to live, etc. etc. etc. The night I broke it off was when she suggested an expensive restaurant for her birthday, asked in advance for an equally expensive gift, and turned up in drag….by that I mean, gone was the black short hair and pants…and what stood before me was a long blond wig and a dress. It was too much of a surprise and as I stated, there were just too many plans in too short of a time. Besides, we had very little in common. I did learn from her what I did want…freedom…honesty…and no hidden agenda.
I have all these things now. I am in love with my wife. Our agenda is to be together for a life time of fun and adventure. I am so glad that I came out.