Feb 202013
 

Fiona was known for her shock mentality!   No topic was taboo, and the public ate it up.  Emails, Twitters and television critics lavished her with praise or tried to denounce her with criticism.

Foreign governments expressed admiration or disgust.  The Chinese government took Fiona to task after a documentary emerged from Beijing.  Included in the documentary was a segment on unusual dining practices.   The Chinese authorities accused her ensationalism, undermining the tourist industry, and trying to bring embarrass the host country.

Their criticism stemmed from Fiona finding an eating establishment that had unusual fare on the menu.  When it was viewed in Britain, viewers gasped as bowls and trays were placed in front of Fiona.  She met each challenge, pausing with silk worm and adding that there was too much salt.

scorpions on a stick

Chose a snake, any snake

A young Chinese girl showed the camera how to eat scorpions on a stick and then led the English woman to a tank of live snakes.  Fiona made a point of picking up a couple and returning them.  She finally decided on one and it was taken away to be prepared for her.

 

 

She downed duck feet marinated in blood, and moved on to sample cow’s lung  and pigeon brain.  Through a translator, Fiona ewfuaws to eat the screwed sparrow, commenting that she was a bird lover.  She captivated the watching crowds by toastingthem in Chinese.  The beer she said was very good. Finally, a dish of deer penis stuffed with lily pads was presented.  She ate it. Her comments were censored back in London.

Paola brought the conversation back to Jazz and Fiona being included in a magazine type book.

“How do you feel being included in a book with the daughter of an Earl?”

Jazz responded, “She doesn’t use Lady Fiona.  She seems quite down to earth.”

Paola didn’t skip a beat.

“Is she one of your lovers?”

“What?”  Jo laughed.  “NO!  I went home alone that night!’

This was technically the truth.  What Jazz failed to reveal was Fiona’s exclusive invitation for drinks at her place.   Jazz had politely refused. Pride prevented Jazz from giving Fiona a reason.  It was a moment that Jazz relived for several days, the surprised look on famous Fiona’s face.

Paola seemed to be obsessed with Fiona.

“Fiona will use this book to brag about her life.  It will be filled full of rich things, her ancestral home, horse riding, summer holidays on yachts, winter holidays on ski slopes.  And, Jazz what will you write?”

“The truth.  My parents are Indians immigrants.  They own an Asian supermarket. They are middle class, hard workers and raised four kids.  Mine can be an exciting success story.  Researchers might find skeletons in Fiona’s dynasty!”

Paola was silent.

“Jazz, you write about getting kicked out of a girls’ class and put into a boys’ wood working shop.  They might think you did bad things with the girls!”

Jazz grunted.

I’m going to include it, to show that girls shouldn’t be labeled.  They need exposure to all trades and professions.  I was hopeless at sewing, but I had to face prejudice and racism in the woodworking class.  That, I am going to tell.”

“Is it true?” Paola asked pointing to the Parliament Building that its law against homosexuals was only applied to men?”

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Jazz smiled.  She placed her hand inside Paola’s thigh.  She answered the question.

 

“Queen Victoria refused to believe that women could have sex with women.

Others have said that if the Queen had passed a law against lesbians, many women then would be able to put a name to their feelings.”

“Talk about feelings,” said Paola.  “When can we park?  I have some sexy underwear for you to remove.”

Jazz was instantly turned on.

“Paola, park over there behind the white van,” Jazz urged.  “I want you, now.”

 

Paola spoke again, “How does it feel to be included in a book with a daughter of an Earl? “

Jo responded, “She doesn’t use Lady Fiona.  She seems quite down to earth.”

Paola didn’t skip a beat.

“Is she one of your lovers?”

“What?”  Jo laughed.  “NO!  I went home alone that night!’

This was technically the truth.  What Jazz failed to reveal was Fiona’s exclusive invitation for drinks at her place.   Jazz had politely refused. Pride prevented Jazz from giving Fiona a reason.  It was a moment that Jazz relived for several days, the surprised look on famous Fiona’s face.

Paola seemed to be obsessed with Fiona.

“Fiona will use this book to brag about her life.  It will be filled full of rich things, her ancestral home, horse riding, summer holidays on yachts, winter holidays on ski slopes.  And, Jazz what will you write?”

“The truth.  My parents are Indians immigrants.  They own an Asian supermarket. They are middle class, hard workers and raised four kids.  Mine can be an exciting success story.  Researchers might find skeletons in Fiona’s dynasty!”

Paola was silent.

“Jazz, you write about getting kicked out of a girls’ class and put into a boys’ wood working shop.  They might think you did bad things with the girls!”

Jazz grunted.

I’m going to include it, to show that girls shouldn’t be labeled.  They need exposure to all trades and professions.  I was hopeless at sewing, but I had to face prejudice and racism in the woodworking class.  That, I am going to tell.”

“Is it true?” Paola asked pointing to the Parliament Building that its law against homosexuals was only applied to men?”

images-28

Jazz smiled.  She placed her hand inside Paola’s thigh.  She answered the question.

“Queen Victoria refused to believe that women could have sex with women.

Others have said that if the Queen had passed a law against lesbians, many women then would be able to put a name to their feelings.”

“Talk about feelings,” said Paola.  “When can we park?  I have some sexy underwear for you to remove.”

Jazz was instantly turned on.

“Paola, park over there behind the white van,” Jazz urged.  “I want you, now.”

Much to Jazz’s surprise, Paola had second thoughts about making out in such a public place.

“There are too many people!”

Jazz put a finger to her lips. The car is sound proof.  It has dark windows.  We can see out, but no one can see in!”

Paola glanced at the back seat.

“What’s in the party bag?”

“Masks for an upcoming kid’s show.  I thought we might have some fun!”

Paola turned off the car.  They locked the doors and Jazz brought the bag into the front seat.  Jazz selected a pirate’s mask and pistol.  Paola opted for the forbidden look of a harlequin mask.  The seats were pushed back to allow leg room.Then, the fun began.  An unrehearsed script.

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“Why have you taken me captive aboard your ship?”  Paola feigned fear.

“I be wantin’ to have me way with you when I saw ye serving me mates in the Buccaneer Tavern.  I dive for treasure, me buxom wench.  Ye will not deny me the booty that lies beneath that bosom.”

Jazz grabbed Fiona by the shoulders, looked at her and declared.

Those clothes must go!”

“I am a chaste virgin,” Paolo declared in alarm.

Both women burst out laughing.  They strove to gain composure.

“That’s not what I heard from the sailors.  After a dram of rum, you get frisky and, they say, your appetite has never been satisfied.  I am going to claim that trophy tonight, me beauty!”

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