Feb 192015

Unknown-14 article-0-18431A7800000578-545_306x423According to the National Network to End Domestic Violence, three women are killed each day in the United States due to domestic violence  or  1,095 deaths yearly.  If you take these yearly numbers between 2001-2012 they equal more deaths than USA troops lost in battle in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Victims of domestic violence may be trapped in domestic violent situations through isolation, power and control, insufficient financial resources, fear, shame,or to protect children. As a result of abuse, victims may experience physical disabilities, chronic health problems, mental illness, limited finances, and poor ability to create healthy relationships. Victims may experience post-traumatic stress disorder PTSD. Children who live in a household with violence show dys-regulated aggression from an early age that may later contribute to continuing the legacy of abuse when they reach adulthood

Wait a Minute – It’s Just Fantasy

It was published in 2011 in a trilogy and has topped best-sellers lists around the world.  The series has sold over 100 million copies world-wide and has been translated into 52 languages.  It is a world of bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism (BDSM).  Is the fantasy just innocence and a vagina throbbing experience?  In reality, would women really want this relationship.  Brooke Axtell, a surveyor of domestic violence in having an abuser like the hero of the book.  She thought, like many women, that she could fix her abuser with love.  It wasn’t until he threatened to kill her that she understood the depth of his violence.  She said, “Authentic love does not silence, shame or abuse.”

Backlash from the BDSM Community.

For many members of the BDSM community, for whom this film is the highest-profile portrayal of their lifestyle in mainstream history, practitioners are made out to be sociopathic, sexual abusers.  There are always safe “words or actions” between members of the BDSM community to end sessions.  The couples are loving and equal.  It is another form of healthy sex.

When It’s No Long Consensual BDSM

I haven’t read the book and I have no interest in the movie, but I do care about freedom for all men and women to read the book and see the movie.  I am just curious as to when this book is fantasy and when it could cross into the realm of violence against women.

But the film has its flaws with Christian Grey showing behaviours that are not sexual.  I have read that in the book, he is very controlling outside of their sexual relationship.  He regulates her every move and isolates her from her friends. This would not be the case of BDSM persons who keep dominance/submission mostly in their sex life.

The reader discovers that Grey’s desires trace back to his traumatic childhood of abuse and being raised by a sex worker. Although the book is supposed to be sex-positive, it reinforces the stereotype that sex workers are bad parents.

The Impact of Fifty Shades of Grey

Amazon reports that the trilogy has outsold Harry Potter.  The encouragement is there for more books and movies of this type.  Certain states have removed the book off library shelves due to teens reading it.  That is censorship and that’s another issue.  Again, there is fantasy about rough and controlling sex, that the majority of women would NEVER entertain in their bedrooms.  There will always be a minority of men and women who will want to be like Christian and that is life!  My only concern is for women who are being abused by husbands and partners and may believe that Fifty Shades of Grey is the way people live. Again, they may believe that there are men who are the protagonist Christian in life and that’s normal and natural.  It is these women who need help.

paula.  (confused and learning and not necessarily knowledgeable about this topic.  However, one learns from researching and writing.  If you disagree with this blog, please let me know). Again, I’m a learner of life.


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