Aug 162017


Paula here.   This is 2017 and More than 760 million people now live in countries where same-sex marriage is legal. Now to Wikipedia for a list of marriage equality countries.    As of 4 August 2017, same-sex marriage is legally recognized (nationwide or in some parts) in the following countries: Argentina, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, Colombia, Denmark, Finland, France, Iceland, Ireland, Luxembourg, Mexico, the Netherlands,[ New Zealand,[Norway, Portugal, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, the United Kingdom, the United States[ and Uruguay. The laws in Germany and Malta are not yet in force. Same-sex marriage is likely to soon become legal in Taiwan, after a constitutional court ruling in May 2017.Polls show rising support for legally recognizing same-sex marriage in the Americas, Australia and most of Europe.However, as of 2017, South Africa is the only African country where same-sex marriage is recognized. Taiwan would become the first country in Asia to legalize same-sex marriage if the Civil Code is amended. Israel and Armenia recognise same-sex marriages performed overseas for some purposes.[(Wikipedia)


Gender in most societies is a smörgåsbord of different styles, looks and behaviours.  Let’s look at straight women and they exhibits all of the above straights.  Now, let’s look at lesbians – again, they are as different as ‘chalk and cheese.’


If you are a typical “butch” it can be said that probably your looking mannerisms may be in sharp contrast to those of straight or femme women. Of course, there is the  androgenous look – just to keep people guessing.  By typical butch, I am looking at a ‘label’ – you know, short hair, pants, jackets, strong masculine shoes and no make up!

Portia de Rossi

Of course, this is a label, but let’s play along with it and contrast it to the ‘femme’ lesbian.  She has to be strong and cautious.  Here are some of my thoughts.  (I am often wrong).  I have listed them as “femme problems.”


Here’s an image of Portia di Rossi, wife of ellen de Generes.

Portia and her wife, ellen

If she was at an office party or straight bar, men would be drawn to her like ‘a moth to a candle.’  Femmes can declare that they are lesbians or have a set of responses to men in which they do not have to compromise themselves by lying.

2. “Oh, You’re Too Pretty to Be a Lesbian!”

People who state this do not release that they are giving an insult disguised as a compliment.  Television and magazines have shown dykes on bikes in Gay Pride marches and that is mainly their only reference.  A few may have seen Portia on ellen’s show and think she is the exception or she married ellen for money.  Portia is quite rich in her own right.

3. Femmes Get More of “You Haven’t Met the Right Man, Yet!”

People are unlikely to say to a muscular dyke on a bike that she hasn’t met the right man, yet!  However, lesbian femmes are more of ‘an easy target.’

Here is a pretty woman wearing a dress, high heels and make up.

The person is thinking, “She looks like a straight woman, so maybe I’ll question her.  Maybe, I’ll nudge her in THAT direction!”

4. Maybe You’re Bi-Sexual

Moms are more likely to say this remark in the hopes that there’s a 50:50 chance the daughter concerned might date a man and fall in love.  Moms often have the notion that ‘men have to take care of women’ and it is easier that way for a daughter.

5. Femmes in a Lesbian Bar or on a Dating Site

A beautiful dress wearing femme may be studied for a long while before butches will make a move.  Or a butch may be unsure if the femme comes up and asks for a dance/drink, etc.  One of the first ‘red signs’ in a butch’s mind is “Is this woman straight or bi-sexual? Is this woman cheating hubby on the side?   Is this a straight woman seeking ‘new’ adventures?”  Femmes constantly have to keep ‘COMING OUT’ to everyone around them.  One femme I knew more a “Yep, I’m lesbian’” badge.

6. Femmes with Femmes (NO LABELS, PLEASE)

Like you, I am sure you have met femmes in partnership with femmes, and butches in partnership with butches.

There are couples who can switch back and forth.  I knew one lesbian pastor who would wear a butch outfit one week and a femme garb the next.


The secret is just being yourself.


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