Ending of a Relationship
“The great secret of true success, of true happiness, is this: the man or woman who asks for no return, the perfectly unselfish person, is the most successful.” -Swami Vivekananda
To find or be the “perfectly unselfish person” is difficult and that is why relationships often fail. Sometimes, the ending of a relationship is a “blessing in disguise.” Some of us would never move on, clinging instead to something or someone when the light has dimmed or gone out.
Life is about change; some of it we like and some of it we come kicking and screaming and refusing to budge. It is the same with relationships; there are no guarantees. They give us joy and they can give us pain. They can last a life time or they can have a date of severance. I still believe in the saying, “It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all.”
A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it, then hurt yourself by trying to pick up the pieces.
Ending a Relationship
Unless you are a person that is very shallow and emotionless, ending a relationship is painful for both parties. With the ending can come a lot of verbal abuse and blaming, but in the end, this is pointless. If you believe you have a right to end a relationship, then this must be given to your partner. The worse kind of endings are those steeped in deception and lying. A better kind of ending is honesty. Honesty doesn’t take the pain away, but upon looking back, it adds respect to the other person.
After the ending and the pain comes a reflection. It takes time.
There is learning if a person wishes to look inside herself. If honest with ones self, a person can make a list of things that she could have improved in the relationship. Was I too critical, too controlling, too timid, too hurtful? Did I allow this person to make a door mat out of me? Was my temper out of control? Did I make too many demands? Was I unwilling to compromise? Did I have to be always right? Was I jealous? Did I insult and belittle?
Naturally, all these negative traits may have been in the OTHER person. If this is true, then these are the kind of traits you will NOT wish to find in your next partner. If you are on the receiving end of negativity, pain and even physical violence, then you need to end the relationship.
Relationships help us grow. We learn about ourselves. We learn what we want in the ne relationship. Perhaps, we will take more time to meet other people before rushing into a relationship out of fear and loneliness.
I overheard this comment when I was sitting in a cafe in London, England. One woman was comforting a friend who was recovering from a relationship break up. “Don’t fret it, love.” said the friend, “There’s is always another No.9 bus!” This friend went on to tell the broken person that she was worthy of love and that it would come to her. She listed her fine features and her many talents. I am sure that by now, this woman is in a happy relationship. I hope she doesn’t look back in bitterness as this does not allow the soul to soar. Just let the past be the past and learn from it. Don’t go living in it. Try and find meaning out of the present moment. Trust and hope and make the effort to love again.
- Close some doors. not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they no longer lead somewhere
Charm is not the same as love. Love proves itself in little things.
- Be realistic about your relationship. You don’t need more time…you just need to decide. Don’t try to change someone!
- Maybe its not about trying to fix something broken. Maybe its about starting over and creating something better.
- A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it, then hurt yourself by trying to pick up the pieces.